The Night I Realised I'd Never Had a Dream

Watching from the front row. For most of my life, that was exactly where I wanted to stay.

In an interview after winning the PGA Championship last Sunday at Aronimink, Aaron Rai said that playing on the PGA Tour had been his childhood dream. When I saw the crowds on the 18th green, I would never have dreamed of wanting to do that as a child, I would have been terrified.

My first big step was when I decided to join the priest seminary. I was absolutely terrified at the thought of having to give up my job and the house I lived in, put my belongings into storage and live in a flatshare… and then, at the seminary, I had to push myself to overcome so many fears, mostly that of public speaking, and, believe it or not, of public singing. Since first grade in school, when I had to stand up and sing in front of the whole class and got a 4 (German grades go from 1, best, to 6, worst), I would never sing audibly. Ever. Only in my head…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ktNt-69TixI

My life was plastered with fear, of being seen or heard, and consequently I never had any big dreams. Even when I got the apprenticeship at Lufthansa, I didn't want to become the CEO. My aspiration was always to be someone's PA. Know everything, be brilliant at it, and let someone else stand in the limelight and get the credit for it. I wasn't bothered about that, because the fear of having to stand in front of people, or to be seen making a mistake, overruled any ambition. No prizes for guessing that all that fear turned me into a right perfectionist.

These days, I look at Chris de Burgh on stage and try to imagine how it might feel, to have an audience of 3000 people in the palm of your hand, to direct them to sing or clap as you choose, and I imagine myself on a stage, talking to people and enjoying it. Sharing my experience, what I have learned, so that others don't have to make the same mistakes, but can get there more quickly.

Last year, for the first time in my life, I felt a curious new question rising in me: What if I'm really good at golf? What if I could even win a tournament? How good can I be? I want to find out, and become as good as I can! It was a completely new experience for me, even after the quiet development of the past ten years, when I began to sense that I might be good at speaking, and at helping people with their personal development through coaching, hypnosis and PSYCH-K®. You know those moments when you look at someone on stage and think: I think I could do that too. Actually, I think I'd like to.

That night, when I heard Aaron say that he had dreamt of playing on the PGA Tour as a kid, I felt a deep pain, because I realised that I had lived my life up to that point without this kind of fire, desire, aspiration or goal. I meandered, I existed and I functioned. I got praise, lots of it, and I got pushed by friends and leaders who were often surprised and shocked at my lack of confidence or thirst for more, even for success. It is incredible how vast the discrepancy was between my own estimation (my view of the world and how I existed in it) and what the outside world saw in me and expected of me. I felt it when I heard Aaron speak. And again when Rory spoke after his second Masters victory. On one hand, I find it terribly sad that it took me so long to get to this point. But on the other hand, I'm here now. I finally got it. I am allowed to dream. There is nothing to be afraid of. I've been scared all my life. I'm done with it. Done with fear. I'm here. I'm me. Just as I am. And that's enough. I'm great at being me. I'm uniquely me, and that's what I'm going to be: me. Luckily I've learned this now, seeing that I still have the second half of my life to live, and I'd better get my skates on to fulfil my dreams. And yes, I do have dreams now, believe me, I do.

So, the message is this: it is never too late in life for anything. We can change, we can grow up and find courage at any time. Some people have a supportive environment from the start, where they get the chance to have big dreams and fulfil them. Look at Rory McIlroy, Aaron Rai, Lewis Hamilton, Andy Murray, Novak Djokovic, Roger Federer, Steffi Graf, Martina Navratilova, Ronaldo, Messi and all the others. Even Elon Musk, Richard Branson, Elvis Presley, Dolly Parton, the list goes on and on. And some of these people didn't have a supportive environment, and they still did it. Because we are all different. We all have a different history and background, physically and spiritually, and we all have to go our own way. Some have dreams early and achieve them; some don't. Some never have dreams; some find them later. It's all in the mix, and none of the possibilities is wrong. They are all possibilities, all opportunities. And I believe it's our chance to realise that, no matter at what age. I did it in my mid-fifties. Yes, one could say that's quite late. I say: well, I'm glad I finally got it! Now I can go for it! Who is to decide what's late and what's early? That you do it is what counts. And I can tell you, the joy and excitement I feel today when I think about my goals and dreams is as intense and fulfilling as any excitement I felt as a child. It's a sparkler that lights my days now, and I'm so glad I finally found it.

Fear of being seen, fear of making mistakes, fear of wanting too much, these are beliefs that live in the subconscious, and they can be changed. If you recognise yourself in this post, I invite you to reach out. A single conversation could be the moment everything shifts. What are you waiting for?